I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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