There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
