dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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