Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
