Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
