I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
