im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
