We're like a lot better than the average bears
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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