all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's get the cat blown out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
