there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
where are you?
Hypothermia
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
