My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
