come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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