I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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