Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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