RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
