party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Boobs speak an international language.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
