I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
