If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
