im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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