I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
