dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
