Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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