Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
