she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
