I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
babies were throwing up all over the place
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
