FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
