No stitches, just platelets and will power
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
