My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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