yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
