Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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