That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
