i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sobbing to NWA
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
