we're blogging at a bar
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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