hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
