Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are we still banned from the library?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
