hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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