HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
