I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
