shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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