Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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