does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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