If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
