I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
