ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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