I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
