I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
