i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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