dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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