he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
