I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
