New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
