Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i think im in europe. pls send help
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