I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
