I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
