apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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